Вицове на чужди езици

[Alexr]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

IBM - I Blame Microsoft!

It's Better Manually

[green]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

As I performed a simple medical procedure on my patient, I warned her, "After this, you can't have sex for at least three days."

"Did you hear that?" she asked her husband. "No sex for three days."

"I heard," he said. "But she was speaking to you."

[green]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... now keep that smile for the rest of the day.)

[jkd]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Любимая женская игра: "Угадай, почему я на тебя обиделась. А чтобы было ещё интересней, я с тобой не разговариваю".

[_kalata_]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Не е точно виц, но си заслужава отделеното време http://news.distractify.com/greg-ric...ars-on-amazon/

[tef4o]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Не е точно виц, но си заслужава отделеното време http://news.distractify.com/greg-ric...ars-on-amazon/

"... And, please, don't post a video review... "

[turtey]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Из дълбините на руските авто форуми

Неее, знакомый приехал в гости к немцам, пошёл поссать, открыл очко, а там нассато, смыл, поссал и опять смыл. А когда вышел ему объяснили, что они так не делают ибо дорого.

Да-да, у меня тоже знакомый был у кого-то в гостях, точно не помню в какой стране, но в какой-то из гейропейских. Они там с утра когда встают, всей семей сходят понасцут, нахезают полный унитаз и только тогда одним разом смывают.

[Bogoljub Gagic]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Из дълбините на руските авто форуми
...

[ivied]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

- Доктор, помогите мне избавиться от комплексов... -
А у вас какие?
Шёпотом: - Зенитно-ракетные.

[musovir]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

How do you get a fat chick to sleep with you?
Piece of cake!

[4x2]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Dad joined Facebook.
Kid`s status update: "Dad on FB, wtf!"
Dad commented, "What is wtf?"
Kid replied him, "Welcome to Facebook!"

[Bogoljub Gagic]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

1552 - присоединение Казани
1554 - присоединение Астрахани
1783 - присоединение Крыма,
1920 - присоединение Крыма,
1944 - присоединение Крыма,
2014 - присоединение Крыма...

[Bogoljub Gagic]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Един "политически":
Деревня = убогая фигня с гнилыми избушками и кривым забором.
Село = це затишні білі хатинки, що потопають у абрикосовому цвіті.

[4x2]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Police: Knock Knock.
Me: Who is it?
Police: Its the Police.
Me: What do you want?
Police: We just wanna talk.
Me: How many of you are there?
Police: 2
Me: Then talk to each other.

[tef4o]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

В Библии написано, что дождь шел 40 дней и 40 ночей. Они назвали это страшной катастрофой.
В Питере это называется лето...