Вицове на чужди езици

[Absolut]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Mother: "Hello?"
Daughter: "Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?"
Mother: "You're going out?"
Daughter: "Yes."
Mother: "With whom?"
Daughter: "With a friend"
Mother: "I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man."
Daughter: "I didn't leave him. He left me."
Mother: "You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies."
Daughter: "I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? "
Mother: "I never left you to go out with anybody except your father."
Daughter: "There are lots of things that you did, and I don't."
Mother: "What are you hinting at? "
Daughter: "Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight."
Mother: "You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?"
Daughter: "My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!"
Mother: "So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?"
Daughter: "He's not a loser."
Mother: "A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite."
Daughter: "I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? "
Mother: "Poor children with such a mother."
Daughter: "Such a what?"
Mother: "With no stability. No wonder your husband left you."
Daughter: "ENOUGH!!!"
Mother: "Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!"
Daughter: "Now you're worried about the loser?"
Mother: "Ah, so you see he IS a loser. I spotted him immediately."
Daughter: "Goodbye, mother."
Mother: "Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?"
Daughter: "I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!"
Mother: "If you never go out, how do expect to meet anyone?

[//Радо//]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

След мача Испания- Холандия:
-What time is it?
-Five past Casillas.

[Людмил Кюковски]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Mother: "Hello?"
Daughter: "Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?"
Mother: "You're going out?"
Daughter: "Yes."
Mother: "With whom?"
Daughter: "With a friend"
Mother: "I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man."
Daughter: "I didn't leave him. He left me."
Mother: "You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies."
Daughter: "I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? "
Mother: "I never left you to go out with anybody except your father."
Daughter: "There are lots of things that you did, and I don't."
Mother: "What are you hinting at? "
Daughter: "Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight."
Mother: "You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?"
Daughter: "My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!"
Mother: "So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?"
Daughter: "He's not a loser."
Mother: "A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite."
Daughter: "I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? "
Mother: "Poor children with such a mother."
Daughter: "Such a what?"
Mother: "With no stability. No wonder your husband left you."
Daughter: "ENOUGH!!!"
Mother: "Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!"
Daughter: "Now you're worried about the loser?"
Mother: "Ah, so you see he IS a loser. I spotted him immediately."
Daughter: "Goodbye, mother."
Mother: "Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?"
Daughter: "I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!"
Mother: "If you never go out, how do expect to meet anyone?

Hahahahahahaaaa good one ,thx !

[Людмил Кюковски]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

"Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
"Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
"Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
"OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke."
"Ok, I will hear a TCP joke."
"Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"
"Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."
"Ok, I am about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline."
"Ok, I am ready to get your TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have an explicit setting, and ends with a punchline."
"I'm sorry, your connection has timed out. Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"

HAhahahhaahha ..........Junky admin connection`s via TCP

[green]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

According to a new survey about sex, 51 percent of people said they would consider having sex for money if the amount offered was large enough.

The average woman said the amount would have to be at least $35,000.

The average man, on the other hand, said, "How much change do you have on you?"


Reasons To Like Beer by 7 Year Olds

A handful of 7 year old children were asked, 'what they thought of beer.' Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.


7-year-old Tim- 'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.'

7-year-old Melanie - 'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want On television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.

7-year-old Grady - 'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'

7-year-old Toby - 'My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and The more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'

7-year-old Sarah - 'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much.

7-year-old Lilly - 'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.'

7-year-old Ethan - 'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'

7-year-old Shirley - 'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'

7-year-old Jack - 'My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my daddy. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'

[Сианга]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

[green]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

There are times when we need a bit of a smile and country people have a unique sense of humour
This is about the Fencepost Tortoise.

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle,
the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.
The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are a 'Fencepost Tortoise'.''

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'fencepost tortoise' was.
The old famer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fencepost with a
tortoise balanced on top, that's a fencepost tortoise."
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.

"You know he didn't get up there by himself,
he doesn't belong up there,
he doesn't know what to do while he's up there,
he's elevated beyond his ability to function,
and you just wonder what kind of dumb-arse put him up there to begin with."

[turtey]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Понедельник - Антипятница
Вторник - Недопятница
Среда - Полупятница
Четверг - Пятница
Пятница - Пятница Великая
Суббота - Пятница Широкая
Воскресенье - Пятница Глубокая

[green]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

An RAF Group Captain was about to start the morning briefing to his staff .......


Whilst waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the Group Captain decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure"

• A Wing Commander chimed in with 75-25% in favour of work.
• A Squadron Leader said it was 50-50%.
• A Flight Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favour of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the Group Captain turned to the young Aircraftsman Orderly who was in charge of making the coffee,
the Group Captain wondering what his opinion was on the question?
Without any hesitation, the young Corporal responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The Group Captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked, "And why, exactly, would that be the case?"
The young Corporal replied, "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

The room fell silent.

May God Bless the lower ranks.

[tef4o]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Женская анкета на сайте знакомств:
"В сексе я люблю: страть!"
Модератор:
"Вы или сотрите одну букву, или добавьте!"

[green]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup, the Nigerian captain
personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

[Chinela]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup, the Nigerian captain
personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

Вица кърти, благодаря!!!

[tef4o]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Диспетчер «Скорой помощи» разговаривает по телефону: — "Женщина, не кричите, говорите внятно, ебанулся — это он упал или сошел с ума? ... "

[Сианга]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

Знаете ли английски?
Can You hear me - Можеш ли да ме тукаш ?
Undressed custom model - Гол митнически модел
Manicure - Парите лекуват
I'm just asking - Аз съм просто краля на задниците
I have been there - Там имам фасул
God only knows - Единственият нос на Бог
Do You feel alright ? - Усещаш ли всички десни ?
Bye bye baby, baby good bye - Купи, купи бебенце, бебето е добра покупка.
To be or not to be ? - Две пчели или не две пчели ?
I fell in love - Паднах в любовта
Just in case - Само в портмоне
I will never give up - Никога няма да го вдигна
I saw my honey today - Днес си напсувах меда
I'm going to make You mine - Ще ти изкопая шахта
May God be with you - Майска добра пчела е с теб
Finnish people - Свършени хора
Bad influence - Лоша простуда
Phone seller - Звънни на търговеца
Let's have a party - Хайде да направим партия
Press space bar to continue - Пресоването на космическия бар ще продължи
I love you baby - Обичам ви баби
I've just saw yor balance sheet - Току що теглиха една на лайняния ви баланс
someday- Денят на Сома
original sound track - Оригинална следа в звука
I want you by my side - Искам да ми купиш страната (или сайта поне)

[swartalf]

От: Вицове на чужди езици

A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."